


how can a body withstand this

by sirisusblack



Series: House of Black [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, First War with Voldemort, Gen, Legilimency (Harry Potter), Regulus Black Deserves Better, Regulus Black Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:07:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24630544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sirisusblack/pseuds/sirisusblack
Summary: For the last two weeks, Sirius had the sense he was being watched. Not in the way he felt just before he was cornered by Evan Rosier and Corban Yaxley in a sideway alley -in Muggle London, no less. No. This felt… Wary, somehow.Canon divergence where Regulus Black realises there are more than one Horcrux.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Regulus Black & Sirius Black
Series: House of Black [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2134221
Comments: 14
Kudos: 303





	how can a body withstand this

**Author's Note:**

> The title is from the poem "The Thing Is" by Ellen Bass. It is such a simple but moving, powerful piece.

For the last two weeks, Sirius had the sense he was being watched.

Not in the way he felt just before he was cornered by Evan Rosier and Corban Yaxley in a sideway alley -in Muggle London, no less.

No. This felt… Wary, somehow.

It does not, however, ease his worries.

He’s not a naturally cautious person. On the contrary, he’d been called reckless and hot-headed more than he can count but living in Grimmauld Place had drilled this into him -after years and years of being chastised and his mother’s less than gentle healing charms- that you do not ignore your gut.

(Regulus rarely trapped anything. He made himself smaller and his steps lighter, put his little feet firmly where Sirius put his just a second before and drank from the same pot their mother drank from and talked the way their father talked.)

Sirius chases the thoughts away. The last thing he needs is to dwell on how stealthy Regulus is, how good he is at taking orders and following in other people’s steps.

He apparates directly into his house instead of a nearby apparition spot, not wanting to be seen strolling in the streets even though apparating through his wards always rankles him. But the second his feet land in his living room, his stomach lurches, bile traveling up to his throat from the sudden onslaught of dizziness.

The wards he laid out one by one, with his blood and magic, blares in his head.

 _Someone is inside_.

He pastes himself to the wall, his pulse racing wildly, and casts a disillusionment and a silencing charm on himself. He has never got the hang of it perfectly. It is not in his nature to be invisible and melt into the shadows but this is his house, he knows every stain, every corner. It’s acceptable, at least in the relative darkness.

He starts walking towards where his gut takes him, towards his kitchen.

It doesn’t take more than a few steps before he can peer inside the kitchen. He presses his lips together to prevent any sounds and he tenses like a cat ready to jump on it’s prey when his eyes fall upon the intruder.

A lean figure, who he assumes to be a man, fumbles with the kettle’s lid and the cord, shoulders hunched. The image is not particularly threatening but that’s exactly the kind of thought that gets you murdered in your own kitchen, so Sirius remains and waits, until the man sets the kettle on the counter, rubbing a trembling hand across his face.

A pureblood, he thinks. A kettle is not that hard to figure out if you’ve ever been around Muggle technology.

He trails closer, taking advantage of the clattering and this man’s sheer frustration at the kettle. Sirius turns on the lights with his free hand.

The lights fickle above them.

The stranger stills instead of recoiling at being caught, and he straightens up slowly, as if he’s trying to make himself as inoffensive as possible.

Everything about him is agonisingly familiar. The shaky fingers. The ponytail. The curve of the jaw. The way he fucking breathes.

All the dots join and it’s a perfect circle. 

Regulus, his idiot-soft-cheeky-stupid-little brother, turns to face him, his hands limp and empty by his sides, and his face a blank slate. His eyes roam Sirius’ face for a few moments, avoiding his eyes, then he takes in the way Sirius is holding his wand pointed at his chest.

Regulus’ arm jerks, and for a moment their roles reverse; Sirius is the one who mimicks Regulus, and his arm jerks as well.

A red light fills the air between them and Sirius thinks, _I hope James never finds out it was Regulus_. He’d always been so adamant about defending his brother. He doesn’t want to go down in history as the fool who trusted a Death Eater with his life. He said, _he’s soft James_ , he said, _he’d never hurt me_ , he said, _he’s my brother._

He doesn’t even feel upset with Regulus, for he never promised him such a thing when he’d gone and got himself branded by a mad man who vowed to erase everyone who defied him from existence. It’d be more ironic if he spared me, he thinks sourly.

That’s when, wallowing in self pity and righteous indignation, he realises it was he who cast the spell. He gasps, breath hitching in his throat when Regulus’ lower back hits the counter, knocking the breath out of him. He slides down like a doll.

He swears in panic, throwing himself next to Regulus to make sure he didn’t hit him too hard. Regulus groans, his unusually thin face scrunches when Sirius puts his head on his thighs. He combs Regulus’ long hair away from his face and pats his cheeks to awaken him calling for his name. They open for a moment but he shuts them close tightly like the light is too bright.

He sighs, resigned and relieved at the same time, for not having murdered his brother by accident –his mother would never accept that as an excuse- and not having to deal with him just at the moment.

He levitates Regulus, careful not give him a internal bleeding on top of a concussion as they make their way through the narrow door into the living room. 

He lays his brother down on his sofa, and pats down to find his wand. It is strapped tightly in a holster, and Sirius realises with guilt that his brother probably wasn’t even reaching for his wand, even though his own was pointed directly at him.

He puts the wand away in the drawer of the coffee table, then sits down by his brother’s feet and attempts to take deep breaths.

He’d calmed down only barely when the sight of his brother provokes another round of extreme anxiety in him.

Regulus did not come here for a chat, that’s for sure.

He can’t look away. He suspects this is what mothers feel like when they see their newborn for the first time -not his own mother, obviously.

He stands up to knell next to him, holding a finger under his nose to check his breathing, and exhales in relief when the air hits his fingers in short puffs.

He examines him with a critical eye, taking in the thin skin under his eyes, veins more prominent than they’ve ever been. For all their childhood, Regulus had been the paler, thinner brother. But it looked like Regulus hadn’t spent a single day under the sun or had a fulfilling meal in the last two years that he hasn’t seen his brother.

His eyes stray to his left arm, and the urge to open his cuffs and take a look surges inside him but he refrains, entwining his fingers together.

After a while, when it becomes obvious he did hit him pretty hard and it would take him some hours to become conscious again, he activates his Floo call, his gaze snapping back to his brother every five seconds.

“Padfoot?” James’ face appears in the flames, his voice mildly worried.

“Jamie,” Sirius breaths out in relief, “can you stop by my house?”

“Are you safe?” James demands, the mother hen he is.

He huffs, his eyes traveling back to where Regulus is lying limp, his branded arm swinging towards the floor. “Yeah, it’s nothing dangerous,” he says decisively, “I need your help, though.”

“Okay,” James mutters, not completely convinced, “give me ten.”

***

James brings Lily with him.

Sirius _adores_ Lily. He can easily say now she’s one of his best friends, despite their rocky start at Hogwarts. But at the same time, she is, with reason, the most unforgiving of them when it comes to Death Eaters.

“Nothing dangerous, my arse,” James grumbles for the third time, his unblinking eyes trained on his unconscious brother. Lily nods, her face grim and dark.

Sirius keeps his eyes on Lily, who looks ready to shoot another stunner at Regulus any given moment.

“Does he look dangerous?” he gestures towards Regulus and James hums in agreement. It’s obvious his heart is not in it. 

“Why did you stun him, then?” Lily asks, unimpressed. She had started to congratulate him on capturing a Death Eater when she first spotted Regulus and she had been cross with him ever since he explained he didn’t do it on purpose.

Granted, it’s his own fault for badmouthing him all the time. Or Regulus’, for becoming a Death Eater.

Still, he doesn't think Regulus sprawled on his couch with a dribble of saliva on his cheeks deserves this amount of wariness.

Sirius scratches at his jaw, smiling sheepishly, “I panicked.”

Lily’s eyes crinkle with an insincere smile, “A good reaction, I’d say, considering he’s a Death Eater.”

Sirius stifles a sigh, his neck prickling with annoyance, at himself and at Lily, “He didn’t even his wand in his hands,” he explains. Their expressions remain suspicious and he tries another tactic, “He was trying to put the kettle on.”

“I should’ve seen that,” James’ frown eases, momentarily distracted by the mental image. He recovers, throwing an apathetic look at Regulus, who stirs and whimpers every once in a while. Lily looks even more unimpressed, if that was possible, her arms crossed as she keeps her wand trained on his brother.

“Did you look at his arm?” James asks and Sirius glares at him, despite his earlier urge to do the same.

A pillow falls to the ground in a soft thud, startling them out of their staring contest, putting an end to an argument before it can start. Regulus’ hand flies to clutch his forehead where he’s hit him and guilt floods his senses once more.

Sirius is up and next to him in seconds, putting a gentle hand on Regulus’ bony shoulder. Regulus blinks a few times, crying out in pain as he hides his face into his shoulder, panting. Watching his brother suffer because of his impulsiveness is awful and he sympathises with his mother, just a bit. 

“Take it easy,” he murmurs, grabbing the Pain Relieving Potion he found in his drawers. He opens the lid and presses it into Regulus’ lips, who turns his head away in disgust at the smell.

“Don’t be a baby, Reg,” he presses but removes the vial from his face in case he pukes on him. “You’ll feel a lot better.”

“You sound like Mother,” Regulus croaks out but he pushes himself on his elbow after a moment of deliberation, his eyelids still tightly shut. Sirius doesn’t comment on the comparison, but sends James a warning look when he scoffs quietly.

Regulus doesn’t notice the others, since he wouldn’t have clung to Sirius as he emptied the contents in his mouth if he did. He grimaces but gulps down without much fuss. His elbow slips like he’s spent all his energy by drinking the potion.

Sirius throws his friends a pointed look they do not catch.

When he turns his head back, he meets Regulus’ furious gaze.

He knows, of course, his brother’s feelings about James. But if he didn’t, it’d be pretty obvious now.

Regulus’ hand reaches out to his holster, like he thinks he can get a hex out between the three of them. When he finds it empty, he turns his vicious eyes on Sirius, who shrugs, unbothered.

“I’ve got your wand.”

“That’s the smart thing to do when you’ve got a Death Eater in your house,” Lily intervenes coldly. Regulus’ mouth purse from where he’s lying down, delivering another betrayed look at Sirius. He scrutinises her from head to toe –Sirius is impressed by the amount of haughtiness he can pour into it- and his lips curl with a condescending sneer.

For her credit, she gives him a look you’d give to dog shit you might come across in a side alley. Her hand tightens on her wand in warning and Regulus flinches, almost imperceptible. Her eyes flash with satisfaction.

“I should’ve expected this,” Regulus says bitterly.

Annoyance flares inside Sirius and he stands up, glaring him down. “You can’t blame me for calling them,” he says coldly.

“Of course not,” Regulus says, pushing himself up to a sitting position. His tone suggests very clearly he is blaming Sirius.

He doesn’t deign that with an answer. He changes the subject before it gets out of control, “Does anyone else know you’re here?”

“We’d be arranging your funeral if they did,” Regulus snaps, confirming his thoughts.

Sirius crosses his arms, and doesn’t point out that they wouldn’t be the ones to arrange his funeral. “How did you get past my wards?”

Regulus’ scowl is erased for a moment as his mouth twitches. “You used Father’s charms.”

James’s and Lily’s heads snap to stare at him, their glares burning a hole in his cheek but he purposefully doesn’t meet their eyes. He contemplates Reg for a few seconds, then his shoulders drop, “Do I need to do it over again?” He almost sounds petulant.

Regulus’ brows furrow and he mulls over it .“I don’t think anyone else would know how to get past the wards,” he declares in the end.

“Except our father and mother,” Sirius adds sarcastically. When Regulus doesn’t respond -preferring to glower at his friends instead- Sirius pinches the bridge of his nose to ease the headache that’s already messing with his sight.

He curses himself for giving in the urge to call James.

“Regulus,” he waves a hand in front of his face, as he sits down on the coffee table. “Why are you here?”

His brother’s face crumbles, morphing into despair. He suddenly looks smaller, like he wants to disappear altogether. “I needed your help,” he mutters, twisting his head away from them.

“Okay,” he says softly, hesitantly putting a hand on his knee. “Talk to me, then.”

He swallows, and Sirius, with mortification, watches as his brother’s eyes fill with tears. But Regulus blinks furiously, not letting them fall. He sniffs once before he looks back at him with a blank face.

“I’m really not in the mood now,” he says in the end, his nose turning up in air. Sirius rolls his eyes. “You came to me,” he reminds.

“I don’t have a lot of choices, do I?” Regulus says bitingly. “I considered Andromeda but decided she’d be even more upset upon seeing me.”

It takes a lot of effort not to remind Regulus he called her husband a mudblood the day she was banished and he’s joined a terrorist group that murders his kind –and her daughter’s- for fun since then.

He should be glad that James and Lily are here, Sirius thinks testily.

Sirius’ lips thin, and Regulus actually blushes. “Sorry,” he mumbles. He sounds genuine. “I know you’re trying to help.”

“Which you don’t deserve,” Lily mutters under her breath. Regulus, thankfully, ignores her.

“I defected,” he blurts out, high and squeaky. They all jolt at the suddenness of his remark. His breaths get quicker and his eyes sweep around the room like he doesn’t actually want to be heard or seen.

Sirius is sceptical, and so are Lily and James, going by the expressions on their face. “You defected,” James repeats and it brings Regulus out of his thoughts and he glares at James.

“That’s what I said,” he snaps.

“Tell me how does that work,” Sirius drawls, exchanging equally confused looks with James. “Did you just hand in your resignation or did you give your two weeks notice?”

Regulus stares at him with an indescribable look in his eyes, and Sirius instantly feels guilty for mocking him. “How do you think that works Sirius?” he says flatly, but it looks cruel paired with the emptiness of his eyes, and Sirius knows he’s truly upset him, “you’re supposed to be the clever brother.”

“He is,” James huffs behind them. Regulus’ face turn crimson but he doesn’t object, his mouth and eyes tight around the edges, his fingers clutching at each other painfully, from the looks of it.

Sirius’ blood rushes to his head and his brother becomes blurrier. He pinches his wrist to sort out his thoughts before he gives in to a panic attack. “Does he know?” he asks with a manic edge.

“I wouldn’t be chatting with you if he knew,” he says sarcastically, but his voice cracks in the end. He clears his throat, wrinkling his nose. “He called this morning,” he adds, “that’s why I panicked and decided to wait for you here.”

Regulus’ indifference to his living space tells Sirius a lot of things how cornered his brother was feeling.

“I assume you didn’t go.”

“You know how rubbish I’m at Occlumency,” he says in a rush, pressing a hand to his stomach like he’s about to be sick. “I sent word to someone my father was in need of my services.”

Sirius groans, hiding his face in his palms. “That’s so fucking flimsy. I don’t think he’s the type to be understanding about ‘family matters’.”

Regulus starts to sway, hugging himself in the middle and shoots a distressed look at them. “He’s not,” he says, a hysterical edge to his voice. Sirius snorts despite himself but Regulus, still lost in his own misery, doesn’t reprimand Sirius for laughing at his expense.

He turns to look over at his friends, and finds James watching Regulus with a torn expression on his face while Lily still looks like she’s ready to attack any moment.

“Did anyone come to check on you?” Lily asks.

Regulus shakes his head, his face turning paler. “Evan sent a letter to tell me the Dark Lord didn’t take notice I wasn’t there but Bella did.”

“How cute,” James cuts in, “Death Eaters looking after each other.”

Sirius would have joined James any other time, but this time, terror seizes him. “Bellatrix knows?”

“She’s usually very busy,” he chuckles humourlessly, smirking a little when he sees their faces, “so, not an immediate concern. Though I’m sure she’ll stop by the house in a week at most.”

Sirius cradles his head in his palms, tugging at his hair brutally until tears well up. “That is an immediate concern!” he hisses, “A week at most? Fuck’s sake, Reg.”

A silence falls over them and he startles when Regulus’ clammy hand lands on his wrist, hesitant and gentle. He looks up reluctantly when he tugs at it insistently, and his heart twists at the sight of his sad smile.

“I didn’t come here for you to hide me,” he whispers but Sirius doesn’t miss the brightness in his eyes. “You’ve already got a target on your abnormally large forehead.”

Sirius rolls his eyes, but a lump forms in his throat. Regulus’ smile widens, but it’s more wistful than anything. “Are you balding, by any chance?”

“You wish,” he shots back good naturedly. He asks, dreading the answer he might get, “Why did you come then?”

This wipes the smile off his face and he fixes his gaze on the floor. “I stumbled upon something much bigger than me,” Regulus says after a beat, a small self-deprecating smile forming this time. “I need to inform people who are equipped to deal with it.”

Lily strides towards them. Regulus' shoulders tense but he doesn’t protest when she lowers herself to sit next to him, giving Sirius a reassuring pat on the knee, a severe frown remaining on her face. “So you want us to clear your mess?”

Regulus smiles sweetly, “I meant someone like Dumbledore, Evans, but I suppose you could do as well. Same tier.”

Lily’s jaw tenses but she doesn’t say anything as she scrutinises him. “Can he tell if you’re alive with the mark?”

“I don’t know,” he confesses, his fingers twitching nervously, “but I know it doesn’t work like a tracer.”

“Are you sure?”

He nods sharply, “He usually sends Bella to find the defectors. It takes her days if they cover up their tracks well enough.”

Merlin, Bellatrix would make Regulus eat his own bits if she ever found out about this.

James comes from behind them and throws himself next to Regulus. “What’s it then?”

Regulus visibly hesitates, “The less people knows, the better.”

“We can’t summon Dumbledore just because you say it’s important enough to get him involved,” James says evenly and to his surprise, his brother accepts this with a nod.

“That’s… understandable. But I mean it when I say it will only put a target on you if you learn about this.”

Sirius’ frown deepens at the sudden seriousness of his tone and James regards him indecisively.

“You have to give us something to work with,” Lily says, “I hope you don’t expect us or Sirius to take your word for it.”

Sirius opens his mouth to argue but shuts his mouth when Lily hits him on the shoulder with her wand.

“I’ll take Veritaserum,” Regulus offers, when silence stretches out for too long.

That would solve the issue temporarily but Sirius is not a fan of the idea. He knows how much Regulus values his privacy. He can’t promise that James and Lily will stick to premeditated questions.

“Are you sure?”

But Regulus nods, a grim expression on his face like he’s marching to his death and Sirius suppresses a sigh. “Can you bring some from your father’s stash?”

James’ face pinches and he shares a look with Lily, and it grates on Sirius’ nerves that he can’t read it.

“I’ve given it all to Order.”

Sirius tries to fake a disappointed expression, though the relief must show on his face because the frown on James' face deepens.

“Legilimency?” Lily offers mildly. Regulus winces at that, and Lily blinks at him innocently.

“I’m shit at it though,” Sirius says, unsure, stealing a glance at his brother, who looks much more alarmed at this idea than a potent truth serum.

“I’ll do it,” James says dismissively and to all their shock, Regulus yells, “No!”

They all stare at Regulus, wide eyed and frantic, before he clears his face and sits back.

“I won’t have you snooping in my head, Potter,” he spits out, crossing out his arms in front of his chest. He’d look more childish and petulant if it wasn’t for the murderous glare, Sirius thinks.

Lily rolls her eyes, rising to her feet. “Bold of you to assume we’d like a sneak peek in that brain of yours.”

She leans her hip against the unsteady bookshelf that has been resisting against his sticking charms, even though he’s usually brilliant at them. He hopes this is not the day it falls over.

His brother visibly fights the reflexive comebacks, the slurs and the perfect Black family sneer. He presses his lips together, and gives Lily a smile that’s more suited to Narcissa’s face than his. “Bold of you to assume you could handle it,” he says levelly and turns his gaze back to Sirius. He gulps, half folding on himself and says half heartedly, “I suppose you could do it.”

Sirius' shoulders relax because this is as mild as Regulus gets, a family trait that he shares. He nudges James with his foot until his friend gives up with a huff and moves up to the corner of the sofa. He strategically places himself between his friends and his brother. Their knees bump into each other and Regulus’ eyes snap to their contact, wide and a little confused at the casual touch, a touch that doesn’t end in a brawl.

“I’ve been told my Legilimency feels like a tornado in your mind,” Sirius warns, and to his delight, Regulus’ lips twitch.

“Can’t be worse than Bella’s,” he mutters, and Sirius smiles reassuringly at him despite how uncomfortable it feels to be compared to his Death Eater cousin.

“Alright, then,” he mumbles to himself. Regulus straightens up in alarm, and he shrieks, “right now?”

Sirius looks at him oddly, “I thought this was urgent.”

Regulus nods affirmatively but the way he angles his body behind Sirius’ bigger form confirms Sirius’ ideas. “Do we have to do this in front of _them_?” he whispers frantically, his desolate eyes boring into his.

He spins his head, “Would you mind waiting in the kitchen?” he asks with his most benign tone.

“I would mind it quite much, mate,” James answers quickly but gets up, exasperated, when Sirius mouths a ‘please’.

Lily’s brows furl with worry but she turns to leave without a comment.

When they shut the door behind them, no doubt with an eavesdropping charm, Sirius regards his brother carefully. “Just focus on the memories you want me to see.”

Regulus' fingers grasp at his sleeves. He opens his mouth to say something, but he deflates before he gathers the courage to say it. He utters something unintelligible, and settles into the sofa, his face angled towards him. His brows are knitted together in determination but Sirius doesn’t miss his trembling.

“Legilimens,” Sirius whispers, his stomach twisting with the endless possibilities of the things he might see. He doesn’t know which one of them is feeling worse at that point.

He’s swiftly sucked into Regulus’ mind, before he can brace himself or take a grounding breath. Sirius wonders if this is because they share blood or because they’ve grown up together and know how each other’s mind works. But after the first churning sensation, it almost doesn’t feel like someone else’s mind, until he finds himself on the floor of Regulus’ room, cradling a sobbing Kreacher.

He stares at the elf in disbelief and he wants to hurl the creature at the wall but he’s not Sirius, not at all and his arms doesn’t work like he wants them to. He hushes the elf, mumbling nonsense as horror fills him until he’s choked with it, ready to burst and burn everything to the ground.

“I shall take the creature,” the man –no, the creature- says – no, hisses- and somehow Regulus –Sirius- doesn’t piss his pants when a cold finger traces his –their- jaw to make them look back at him.

My brother, Regulus –Sirius- thinks. The arm burns burns burns…

Bellatrix tugs his hand, with an excited smile on her familiar face –but older and more radiant. Gorgeous. She whispers, “He’s waiting for you.” She’s so proud of him –them-, and Sirius –Regulus- beams.

Cold eyes stare into his mind, wreaking havoc, sucking and stealing, twisting every memory into something it’s not until he can’t tell what’s real anymore. He –Sirius, Regulus- is the Black heir but it doesn’t matter, his blood is the purest in the whole Britain but it doesn’t count for anything if he doesn’t serve this awful, perfect, breath-taking man. He doesn’t know if he’ll kill his brother –Regulus- on sight, he doesn’t know if he loves his mother, he doesn’t know if he ever fell in love but he knows, he –Sirius- has come to this existence to serve him. It’s brutal and tortuous, and so fucking exhilarating that he gasps to draw in just one breath but he remains frozen, on his knees at the feet of a man –snake- even when his mother’s voice echoes in his head about the Black pride.

He carries the books to his room, keeping his steps light but his –their- mother catches them. Walburga is thin, but beautiful, eyes grey -his, hers, theirs- and doesn’t spare them any thought other than a careless pat on the cheek as she walks downstairs. It hurts but relieves.

‘Immortal in a way no one was’ the man –horrid, beautiful, inhumane- says. No one. No one. No one. He -no, the snake- says, ‘I succeed,” and Regulus –Sirius- knows he what he had achieved. Not one because no one. Two. Three. He did it. Immortal like no one was. No one. No one. Three. Four. Five.

He –Sirius or Regulus, Regulus and Sirius- wrenches his mind away from Sirius –no, Regulus- and his body goes atonic, slipping into the floor and his head bangs on the bare floor. His ears ring but he doesn’t hear. Sirius moans as shaky hands turn him over, manoeuvring his neck so he doesn’t choke on his tongue but he can’t say who it is because he is blind and deaf but he smells coffee and flowers, so he knows he is not dead.

Three pairs of hands on his body maul him up on the sofa and Sirius slowly, but surely comes to his senses. A head with dark hair swims in front of his eyes but he can’t tell if it’s James or Regulus.

The dark head disappears and he wants to reach but Lily takes his place, bringing back the scent of flowers, and she inclines his head in her arms to put something cold against his lips, like he did to Regulus.

The liquid trails down from his mouth but he swallows some, and the nausea he hasn’t realised he was feeling diminishes. She wipes his mouth with the sleeve of her jumper. He realises he can tell Regulus and James apart now.

He tries to meet his brother’s eyes but he can’t turn his gaze. Still, Regulus senses his intention and pushes Lily away to take her place next to his head.

His vision clears some more but it’s still foggy and for the life of him he can’t tell if the face he’s looking at is his or Regulus’.

“You’re the most fucked up kid I’ve ever met, Reggie,” he murmurs, and feels his lips moving but he doesn’t hear himself. Regulus must’ve though, because his head falls to his chest, his hands fisting into his shirt. He rubs his nose, suspiciously damp but Sirius can’t bring himself to care that Regulus is messing up his clothes with his snot. He’s done that dozens of times already, anyway.

They stay that way for minutes, hours –he can’t tell- but in the end he can properly look into people’s eyes. James looks like he’s about to cry –hell, he probably did when he wasn’t aware of his surroundings.

“What happened?” he manages. James swallows, rubs his eyes under his glasses but doesn’t answer him. Neither does Regulus, still hiding his face in Sirius’ chest, basically hugging him, if he decides to get specific.

Lily, on the other hand, still carries a bit of her sanity. “You had something like a seizure.”

Regulus whines, like he wants everyone to shut up but Sirius rolls his eyes, the action making his head whirl despite lying down.

“I ought to take you to a Muggle physiatrist. Serves you right,” he says, trying to keep his tone cheerful.

Regulus snorts, making James turn to him in surprise. “Shall I invite Mother and Father as well? A bit of a family therapy before shit hits the fan.”

Sirius grins, or at least tries to, “I’d come just to see Mother’s face.”

Regulus leans back, revealing his blotchy face and sniffs. “If Mother ever set her eyes on you, she’d drag you back home and lock you in the basement with only herself for company.”

“Before or after she kills me?”

Regulus pins him with a long suffering look but doesn’t respond.

“I should’ve known you’d dive right into it,” he says, as his eyes shine indignantly. Sirius swats at his arm, his left one, and Regulus snatches it back like it’s burned and Sirius is abruptly hit with the memory of that same arm burning. He immediately mumbles and apology but Regulus waves it off, looking more awkward that he’s ever seen him.

He turns back to his friends to spare any further embarrassment, and declares, “We need to get Dumbledore as soon as possible.”

Regulus nods vehemently, but Sirius fixes him with a look. “We’ll get you a safehouse first, Reg. The other thing…” he pauses, “it can wait for a while. I’m not sure I understand it.”

Regulus looks at him with a straight face, and it eats at Sirius that he can’t read his brother who had just been bawling into his shirt.

“This is Dumbledore,” he reminds gently, putting his hand on his shoulder, the right one, and squeezes. “He’ll find a way.”

Regulus averts his eyes at first. Then slowly, carefully he lays his head back on his chest, eyes closed, his breathing labored but steady.

Sirius knows he doesn’t share his optimism but he knows he’ll do everything in his power and more to keep everyone in this room alive until they die of old age and aching joints.

**Author's Note:**

> [you can find me on tumblr](https://ladymacbethsarmy.tumblr.com/)


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